Stupid
by Loveuforevermyflame
Summary: This is a song fic following the episode Hot and Bothered.
1. Chapter 1

This is a song fic. The song is Stupid by Sarah McLachlan. I do not own the song or the t.v show. Enjoy. Thanks to my beta the grammar has been checked. The parts with stars * by them are Andy's thoughts during the song

Stupid.

That is how definitely how I feel right now. I should have never let myself lose control like that. I should have never left my house. So now here I am, walking home, alone. Thinking to myself how big of a mistake I just made. Sam is really going to hate me now. How could he not? I walked out on him.

I am so stupid. I should have just stayed home tonight. Should have just cried until exhaustion pulled my body into sleep. Work is going to be horrible; everything is going to be tense between Sam and me. His friendship is something I cannot lose, though.

When I arrive home, I walk straight to my bedroom and fall into bed. Tormented by the silence, I turn the radio on, hoping the music can keep my mind off of Sam. The look of pain and loss on his face haunts me every time I close my eyes. I know that sleep is not going to come easily to me tonight. A song that I haven't heard before comes on the radio, and it snaps my mind straight to the one and only, Sam Swarek.

Night lift up the shades

Let in the brilliant light of morning

But steady there now

For I am weak and starving for mercy

Sleep has left me alone

To carry the weight of unraveling where we went wrong

It's all I can do to hang on

To keep me from falling

Into old familiar shoes

How stupid could I be?

A simpleton could see

That you're no good for me

But you're the only one I see

*I know that you are good for me, but for some reason my mind has told me you are not. Yes, Sam Swarek is the only one I see. I thought Luke and I had something, but after what just happened at Sam's, I have come to realize that I can't continue on with Luke.

Love has made me a fool

It set me on fire and watched as I floundered

Unable to speak

Except to cry out and wait for your answer

But you come around in your time

Speaking of fabulous places

Create an oasis

Dries up as soon as you're gone

You leave me here burning

In this desert without you

*I see myself turning to you for all my needs. I call out to you silently, and you seem to answer me. You seem to know exactly when I need you the most. Even when I say I am fine, you can tell that I am not.

How stupid could I be?

A simpleton could see

That you're no good for me

But you're the only one I see

Everything changes

Everything falls apart

Can't stop to feel myself losing control

But deep in my senses I know

How stupid could I be?

A simpleton could see

That you're no good for me

But you're the only one I see

My mind is racing now; I see that you are the one I want. I hope that I can fix what I broke tonight. With my heart hammering in my chest and my hands shaking, I pick up the phone and dial your familiar number. Three rings, and your voice floats through the line to me.

"What the hell do you want McNally?" you ask harshly.

I guess I should have seen that coming, but still it hurts me to hear the anger in your voice.

"Well, umm, I was wondering if we could talk." I ask you.

"So, now you want to talk, McNally?" I hear coming from the other end.

"Please Sam, I am sorry. I really want to take back all that happened. Not because I regret it, but because I want the ending to be different next time. That is if you will ever consider a next time. I know you probably hate me now, and that's okay if you do." I tell him this in a rushed voice.

"Fine McNally, I am going to come over and we are going to talk about this. We will see where it goes from there," he says, hanging up before I can respond.

I am so stupid, so stupid for walking out on him. So stupid for not seeing how much he means to me.

The End


	2. Chapter 2

I begin to pace anxiously around my living room, trying to figure out what I am going to say to Sam once he gets to my place. A loud knocking on my door makes me jump, and sends my heart racing even faster. My palms are sweaty; I have no clue how to talk to him about this. I feel like a young school girl, freaking out about her first crush.

"McNally are you going to open this damn door, or do I have to bust it down?" I hear coming through my door.

I don't answer him, just unlock the door and open it to reveal a very haggard looking Sam Swarek. Swimming in his eyes I see anger, and something I am hoping that is like what I am feeling. Walking away from the door, I lead him over to the couch. I can't find the words that I want to say to him, so I just stare at the ground, hoping that maybe he will speak first. I know that I am the one who needs to fix this, but I don't know where to start.

"McNally … Andy you need to talk to me. I know something is bothering you, and I can't help you fix it unless you explain this all to me. I am here for you, but right now I am very confused, and I need you to clear things up for me," he says to me.

"I am sorry. I needed someone to talk everything away. The shooting was just too much for me to handle. I knew I could trust you; I still trust you. It's just that when the lights came on, I realized how much what we were about to do could have affected our careers. I know that walking out on you may ruin what we have now, but you are my training officer. The rules say that we can't date; I don't know if I can break a rule that big," I tell him hurriedly

"Andy, listen to me. I know that the shooting really bothered you. I can't promise you that it will get easier, but I can promise you I am not walking away from you. I know that you and I being together could be trouble, but can we really hide from the feelings that are there?" he says.

I try to speak again, but he cuts me off.

"Wait, just think about this. I know that you are very confused right now, but Sam Swarek has never really played one hundred percent by the book. If you are willing to give us a try, we can find you another training officer. I know I may not be the perfect guy, but I want to take this risk with you. If push comes to shove, in the long run then we can thing about more options. Right now all I want is for you to tell me that you are willing to give us a go. Please Andy."

"Sam, I feel different when I am with you. Different in a good way though; I like being with you. Like I said, I trust you completely. You definitely are not by the book, and maybe that is what I am looking for. Maybe I don't want someone who is perfect. I thought Callaghan was what I wanted, but he seems too perfect for me. You practically just said you would put me before work, and right now he is putting work before me. I am willing to try this with you Sam. I just ask that we take things slowly. First, I need to call it off with Callaghan. I want this with you, let's try this," I tell him softly

"I may make you angry some days, and we may not agree on everything, but I want to make this work with you. I have never felt the way I do about you towards anyone else. If you want to take this slow, then we will. As long as we work together on all of this, then I have faith in us. Please just promise me you will talk to me when you get scared or confused again. I may not be able to be your training officer anymore, but I am here to listen and help you. Don't run from me Andy. Even if it is just work related, I am here to listen and talk about anything you want," he says, pulling me into a hug and I nod against his chest.

Hearing his heart beating in his chest calms me, and I feel safe in his arms. I was stupid for running, stupid for not seeing how much Sam Swarek wanted to give to me. Thankfully, he is here now, and we can move forward with what we have. I am scared, but I know with Sam by my side we can work through anything that comes our way. First thing tomorrow I am breaking it off with Luke. I have made up my mind, and I am going to take the risk with Sam. I know he will never hurt me on purpose. I trust him; with my job, my life and now my heart.

The End.


End file.
